NO HONEST FEELING

​No honest feeling
I think, I feel
And think myself over again.
Not a single honest feeling.
But sometimes,
yes sometimes.
Something comes along.
A drawing, my mother
and I feel good.
It's not that I feel bad most of the time
it's that I feel nothing.
And even this,
even this isn't honest.
I've tried being honest,
saying it as it is,
saying something worthwhile,
I don't know if I have,
I don't know if I can.
I can only keep typing to find out.
I don't know why I'm saying this.